MARDI GRAS MOM-BO

It's that time of year in New Orleans!  Mardi Gras:  time of merriment, carefree frolicking and letting the good times roll!  That is, unless you're MOM. For Mom, it means more planning and preparation than usual and even less cooperation and focus from 'the troops.'

There is one bonus.  It's amazing how kids who normally grind through homework - or chores - with an hour or two of pleading to "Get it DONE!" now just WHIZ through that same workload in mere minutes if there's a parade to go see.  It's the Physics of Carnival at play.

The Parade Season brings with it levels and levels of extra strategic coordination for Major Mom to handle.  I need one of those boards you see in war rooms with the city laid out and little models of Mardi Gras floats, traffic, and crowds that I can move around with one of those shuffleboard looking thingees.  It's all about proximity or - put another way - "Where we gonna watch the parade at?"

And, of course, the answer to that question always centers around three things:  food, parking and potty (not necessarily in that order).

As far as food goes, you've got to watch it, or The Greatest Free Show On Earth can get quite expensive.  It's important to support local restaurants who make much of their yearly revenue at this time of year so we 'eat out' a few times during Mardi Gras.  (Let's face it, in New Orleans, that's a real treat!!)  But, sometimes, it's also nice to break out the old picnic basket too.  Then, you can arrive on the parade route early, pick out your spot and have a great picnic under an oak tree in the beautiful Spring weather.

When you think of a picnic, certain images come to mind, don't they?  Yeah, me too.  This is what I IMAGINE....

And here's something a little closer to REALITY...

Either way.  A parade route picnic can be fun and a great way to enjoy a family Mardi Gras.  Here's a newsflash to everyone who's not FROM New Orleans:  we're not all down in the French Quarter flashing body parts for Chinese plastic.  We leave that up to "yous guys." ;o)

Well, there was this ONE picnic Spud and I had before the kids came along but this blog's rated PG.

Anywho, here's what I like to pack in my PARADE ROUTE PICNIC BASKET.
Fried chicken
Sandwiches
cheese
fruit - apples/grapes
bottle of wine - my favorite is Pinot Noir
jug of lemonade

The chicken I get at Popeye's - nothing says Mardi Gras like grease and pepper, y'all!  I just pick up a small box on the way out.  Transfer the pieces into a ziplock bag and make sure to ice it down properly so it doesn't spoil.  Those reusable frozen things you put in school lunchboxes work really well for this.

Sandwiches?  It's really all about what I've got on hand.  PB&J is a must!  Muffalettas are perfect.  If you've got some cold cuts, cheese, loaf (not sliced) bread and olive salad, you can make your own right at home. If you do make your own, make them the night before to allow all the ingredients to get friendly with each other.  Or just pick one up at one of the many stores that have them ready-made.  Have them cut yours into smaller slices than the usual quarters.  I like mine cut into 1/8 slices - easier to manage, I find.

I put some bite-sized cheese cubes in a ziplock bag for snacking along the route.  Store them right in the ice chest with my lemonade.  Plus I throw in some whole apples and washed grapes (in a ziplock).  I'm not opposed to getting the kids some crap like candy apples and cotton candy, but I want some "real food" choices on hand too. 

And remember to pack bottled water and wipees, wipees, wipees!  Finish off your basket with a roll of paper towels and one folded-up large trash bag so you can take your mess with you and throw it away when you get home.  And don't forget something to sit on.

SEE???  I told you Mom does all the work!!  Hey, you could just grab a great table at a restaurant on the route and let SOMEBODY ELSE'S MOM do it all for you.  Hmmmm.....didn't I donate that picnic basket to St. Vincent de Paul????......Yeah, that's right....

P.S.  Great news!  The corndog is gone from my finger and the swelling is almost down.  I'll be back to normal - and cooking - this week!  Yay!!!

Oh, and hello to my new friends in Iran!

Questions?  Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com.  And please share my web address with your friends:  www.thisaintjuliachild.com.

GIMME SOME SUGAR

So, it started out as one of those days. 

I'm now on day 12 with my finger wrapped up like a corndog from my surgery.  But now it looks like a dirty corndog that fell on the ground at the State Fair.

Then there was The Estimate.  Just that word, "estimate" can send shivers down the spine of any homeowner.  Looks like it's going to cost three times what we thought to fix the bathroom.  **sigh**

And, to top it all off, I got my first pair of bi-focals.  "Mawmaw" is in the house, y'all!
I mean, what's next?  Support hose and one of those girdles that looks like capri pants??


Definitely one of those days when the dog and cat know to stay out of my way.  It's almost funny to watch them scurry under the furniture as I come barreling through wielding this-or-that vacuum attachment.  Would make a great youtube video:  animals crashing into each other like the Keystone Cops and me the Domestic Godzilla grumbling and cursing at dustballs and crumpled t-shirts left on the floor for 'the maid' (read: me).

No room is spared the insult of my family's filth.  Even MY KITCHEN:  my workshop, my studio, my temple - bears the grease and grime of their onslaught.  This time, it's personal! 

I leap to the task of reclaiming my space and load the dishwasher feverishly - well, as feverishly as you CAN with a dirty corndog on one finger.  Counters are cleared of clutter like clockwork.  Pots placed precisely on their perches. (OK, I love alliteration.)  My senses of accomplishment and indignation rise simultaneously as the voices in my head echo:  "What a bunch of pigs!"  "Must He make this much mess when He fixes breakfast?"  "They didn't even HAVE grape jelly today."  "How'd that chocolate sauce get up there?"  "Just WAIT till they ask to use my computer!!" 

And right as my anger is at its peak?  Then I see it................

A love note left in spilled sugar.  In that moment, I melt.  I am butter left on the counter overnight.  The unsigned masterpiece on my kitchen counter peels my heart open like an onion.  The day is transformed.  Suddenly, I am gleefully whirling about, shining the stainless and crankin' up the crockpot.  Picture Snow White - only middle-aged with new bifocals.

Suddenly, I remember that the corndog comes off tomorrow.  YAY!  My kid says, "Mom, I like your cool new glasses."  And, as far as The Estimate?  No sweat.  This time, the check really WAS 'in the mail.'

Amazing what "a little sugar" can do.

Questions?  Comments?  Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com.  And please share my address with your friends:  http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
P.S. Hello to my new friends in Israel and India!!

Fakin' It...

You know me, I'm all about authenticity.  Don't give me any faux-Cajun or I'll breathe fire on you.  Last night, I actually saw a famous chef (who shall remain unnamed....ok, Bobby Flay) make "jambalaya" on tv and he used lobster and mussels in it!  HELLOOOO!!!!  That's called 'paella' my friend!  Don't get me started.

There are a few exceptions to every rule, however.  And today we're talking about one.

A lovely lady wrote me, expatriate New Orleanian who's stuck in California, asking for my world famous Mock Oyster Patties recipe.  I say 'world famous' only because that's the term we use around our house for anything we want the kids to try.  "You've gotta try Mom's world famous Mock Oyster Patties."    Anything to sell the kids on eating 'green.'  "Hey, it's Mom's world famous brussel sprouts."  OK, so it doesn't always work.

Anywho, actually lots of folks have asked for this one.  So, to all of you, here's a tried and true favorite.  It's one of those recipe pages that's all yellowed and got lots of butter stains on it.  That's how you can always pick out the best recipes in your file.

MO'S MOCK OYSTER PATTIES
1 stick butter
2 cloves garlic
1 large onion, chopped
2 pkg. chopped broccoli, thawed
1 large can of mushroom pieces (or slices that you chop slightly in your processor) - save juice
2 rolls of garlic cheese (in the dairy case by the cream cheese)
Pernod or Peychaud bitters
Saute the onion in butter.  When it's transparent, add garlic.  Do not burn the garlic or it will turn bitter.  Now, add the drained broccoli.  Stir.  Add the cheese - first one roll, let it melt.  Stir and check the consistency.  You want it thick.  Now add the other cheese and melt.  If it's too thick, add some mushroom juice till it's gets to your desired thickness.  Add 8 dashes of New Orleans cocktail bitters - Pernod or Peychaud. Simmer on low fire for the flavors to blend - about 15 minutes.  DONE!

You can find cocktail bitters in the liquor department of the grocery or at a packaged liquor store.

You can fill patty shells with this and bake them at 400 for 10  minutes.  (Let them cool before you eat them!!)  Either use the small ones or entree sized ones.  We go through 8 dozen of the small, individual shells every New Year's eve with glasses and glasses of champagne.  What a BLAST!  And, if there's filling left, we serve in a bowl with Ritz crackers for leftover snacking.

I think even Bobby Flay could get this one right. "Hey Bobby, don't make me come up there and show you my bo-bo finger!!"  Pooyeye!

Questions?  Comments?  Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com.  And please share my web address:  http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
P.S.  Welcome to Brazil and Romania!!

LOVE=FOOD

When you grow up with a Cajun Catholic mother, you learn this lesson early:  LOVE = FOOD.  (Yeah, I know, your mom too.)  But in our house, that love took many delicious forms.  We'd come home from school and throw open the door to find the kitchen table piled high with steaming crawfish as an afternoon snack.  This ain't no 'cookies and milk,' my friend.

And so, in keeping with tribal ritual, I shower the ones I love with food on special occasions (actually,  regular occasions too).  Usually, that means gorgeous gumbos, exquisite etouffees,  or bodacious beignets.  Well, not this year.  Remember, 'the finger?'

Since I'm working with one hand - and living off the overcooked chicken legs and burnt burger patties with which my dear Sweetheart has stuffed the fridge - I've got to keep my Valentine goodies simple.

My husband loves jello like a kid (or Bill Cosby).  So, I decided to whip up a big dish of sugar-free raspberry jello for him.  Look at what happened when I poured the powder into the dish.  This was completely random and so cool that my kids said, "Wait, take a picture!," before I poured the water over.  A Valentine miracle, you could say.  Or maybe the miracle was that the kids were actually OFF the computer and talking to me.  What-EV-er....  Anyway, here's the Valentine Miracle - just as it happened.....

Cool huh?

And, speaking of miracles, my kids folded all the laundry because of my finger bo-bo.  (I'm trying to decide which limb to have 'cut on' next.)  So, for my little lovies, I made my HAWT ATTACK CAKE - with ONE HAND, no less!  You can have this ready in an hour or two.  Let's get cookin'....

HAWT ATTACK CAKE
1 box of cake mix - I used French Vanilla because, well, it was on sale real cheap.
This is a real 'no brainer.'  Just follow the directions on the box BUT, where it says to add water, substitute your favorite beverage instead.  I used leftover coffee.  You could also use juice (cranberry?), flavored tea -whatever flavor you want to impart into the cake part of your recipe.  It's just going to add a subtle layer of taste.  Use what you like.

Chocolate Buttercream Icing
1 stick of butter
1/2 cup of cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups of powdered sugar
2-3 tbsp milk
This buttery/sugary icing puts the ATTACK in my Hawt Attack Cake but it's worth it!  You'll never buy that canned stuff again - too many chemicals!  Yuck!  Of course, you want the butter softened - not melted.  Just leave a stick out on the counter for an hour or run it through the microwave for 10 seconds.  Put the butter and dry ingredients in your mixer.  Add the vanilla.  AT THIS POINT, you can also add a teaspoon of flavoring to complement whichever liquid you may have added to your cake batter.  For instance, if you chose coffee, you might add a teaspoon of Kahlua.  Get the idea?  If you chose cranberry juice for your batter, maybe add a teaspoon of Chambord.  See?  Or, trust me, you can add NOTHING else and this frosting is to DIE for!  Now, flip on the mixer on low and add the milk one tablespoon at a time. After each tablespoon, give it a second to work in and then turn off the machine and check the thickness.  Add as much milk as it takes to reach your desired stiffness.  (Ever notice how recipes sometimes read like a romance novel? :o)  Guard this bowl from children and husbands/significant others because it WILL disappear before you can say, "arteriosclerosis."

Let your cake cool completely before icing or it will all just melt and slide off.  (Now where did I put that picture of Fabio??) Once mine was iced, I sprinkled it with mini chocolate chips and decorated with candy hearts.  (If it's just you and your sweetHAWT, you might want to dig up that old Barry White album at this point.  Just sayin'....)

For me, this cake is all about my kids.  And they get such a kick out of choosing which little heart they want.

It's so important to teach our children well.  In our house, that lesson is simple:
CHOCOLATE + SUGAR + BUTTER = LOVE
And here's one my husband has learned VERY well.  I call it  "Algebra Du Amor":
LOVE - (FLOWERS+JEWELRY+CANDY) = SOFA

A woman's work is never done, y'all. My Cajun Catholic mother would be so proud!

Questions? Comments?  Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com
And share my web address with your friends:  http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/

P.S. Hello to my many new friends in Japan!

The Finger

This is going to be short and sweet.  That's because I'm typing with one hand - my head swimming with pain medicine.  I'm talking the nauseating, nasty stuff that makes you wonder, "how bad could the pain be if this is the pain KILLER?"  I'm thinking it might be worth the gamble at this point.  Funny thing is, I would have KILLED for this kind of buzz back in the Disco days.  Admit it.  You too!  Now, mawmaw's shuffling around the house with a walking stick in hand "just in case I swoon."

You see, there was this 'bump' on my finger that hurt.  Left hand - the one I use for everything meaningful in life.  And, without completely boring you, I had it removed and my finger looks like a corndog.  Now, thanks to codeine, I've stepped through the looking glass to 'Nausealand' which is right next door to 'Crashville.'  I don't want to say I'm drugged out on pain meds, but I woke up today and thought "Girls Gone Wild" was shooting in Cairo.

I drove myself to surgery.  Big mistake.  Then had to drive myself to Walgreen's to get the nasty medicine.  Bigger mistake.  After fumbling with one hand to find my prescription, then find my money, then reach over with my right hand to open the car door (think about that for a second), I finally got up to the pharmacy window.  Now, the guy behind the counter has served my family in this capacity for at least 5 years.  He knows everything about us - more than some of our relatives, I'm sure. 

So, I stumble up to the counter - obviously frazzled, 30 minutes post-surgery.  I hand my "good buddy neighborhood pharmacist" my prescription.  And, this man who knows my DEDUCTIBLE says to me, "Need to see your ID."  "Oh," I giggle, "Left it in the car.  See I just had surgery and drove myself here.  I actually know the number of my driver's license, I could just tell  y..."  This fella who has known my family for THOUSANDS of prescriptions says - I kid you NOT, "Gonna have to see it." 

That meant going BACK out in the freezing weather, in pain, with my swollen hand to fish around in my bag to find my license.  So, what did I do, you ask?  Well............................ I simply showed him my bo-bo.

Hope to be back up and cooking real soon. 

Questions?  Comments?  Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com.  Please share my address with your friends:  http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/

Hello! to Portugal and Japan.

Goin' Greek!

I'm convinced we have a poltergeist.  Or maybe gnomes are roaming our house at night.  Well, something has to be responsible.  Someone or something has come into our home, while I slumber and dream of Russian Cake and doberge squares.  They have taken my clothes and shrunk them.  It's the only explanation.  Right?  Right??

OK, I admit it.  I've been Super-Sized.  They say admitting it is the first step to a solution, right?  So, come on, everybody say it with me, "I've been Super-Sized."  Doesn't that feel better?  No?  Read on....

It's time to start behaving.  I said goodbye to cursing, drinking and smoking when I had kids - ok, well, drinking and smoking, at least.  And, since food is the only vice I've got left, it's a hard one to let go.  Besides, food is FUN!!  Doberge is divine!  Gravy is groovy!  I'm a Bread Head!

Then there's the issues of health and beauty.  I realize that I'm more vain, than I am concerned about dying.  Here's the proof.  You see, extra pounds puff out your wrinkles.  I call mine, "MOtox."  I had a doctor tell me just the other day that he thought I was 35.  35!!  Let's just say, I'm NOT 35.  So, even though those extra pounds around the middle are clogging up my heart, they're doing WONDERS for my crows' feet!

Oh well, Cosmetic Surgeons need to make a living too, right?  So, here comes the first in a series of Low Carb recipes.  I believe that, 'eating well' should entail eating well!  Let's get cookin'......

You ever buy those 10 pound bags of cut-up chicken leg quarters at the store?  It's tons of yummy dark meat for next to nothing and you can do a million things with them.  This morning we had some leftover orange slices from breakfast so I'm using them to make some GREEK ROASTED CHICKEN.

GREEK ROASTED CHICKEN
10 lbs chicken leg quarters - washed and skin pulled off
1 XL Ziplock bag - Jumbo size, 2.5 gallon
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup lime juice
2 tbsp garlic powder
2 tbsp oregano
2 tbsp thyme
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cracked pepper
1 orange cut into wedges
Pull all the skin off the chicken pieces.  This is easier to do before you wash it - not as slippery.  Then, wash all the chicken and place the pieces in the Ziplock bag.  Mix the next 8 ingredients into a marinade.  Pour it in the bag over the chicken.  Add the orange wedges, squeezing each one and then throwing the peel into the Ziplock.  Close the ziplock and 'squish' it around until all the chicken is coated.  Let the chicken marinate for at least an hour (or even overnight) in the fridge.  You can grill it or cook it in the oven.  I did mine in the oven at 350 Convection for an hour and 15 minutes.  Wow!  Serve with a green salad with lots of feta cheese and black olives!  Opa, baby!!

Now THAT'S my idea of diet food.  No, I haven't "called Jenny" and I'm not gonna!

Comments? Questions? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com.  And tell your friends they can find me now at www.thisaintjuliachild.com.
P.S. Hello to my new friends in Serbia!!

Gumbo-A-Go-Go

It's no secret at all that we live in the era of fast food.  Just look on any corner.  I think there's even a pair of golden arches in the French Quarter at this point (or maybe that was a Drag show?).  Anyway, you get the point.

As much as I try to avoid such anti-food, some nights there's just not much time.  And, as we drive home from school and errands, it's hard to drown out the chants from the backseat: "Bur-ger, bur-ger, bur-ger..."  But, I DO have a few tricks up my sleeve for those nights and so, I have my OWN counter-chant: "Gum-bo, gum-bo, gum-bo..."  Let's just call it my 'UnHappy Meal.'  That is, until they TASTE the  magic (and get over the fact that Mom doesn't give out toys or hot apple pies to-go).

But really, in a little more time than it takes to make that detour to Mickey D's, wait in the drive-through, say "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" a few times, wait for your food (What takes so long?? I mean it's not like they're really COOKING!) and get it home, you can have REAL FOOD.  Seriously.

That brings us to our topic today:  Easy Weeknight Gumbo.  With only eight ingredients - one a major shortcut - you can have some mighty fine gumbo on the table in about 30 minutes.  Let's get cookin'....

EASY WEEKNIGHT GUMBO
1 1b sliced okra - I keep a frozen bag at all times
1 cup chopped 'trinity' - onion, celery, bellpepper
1 gumbo base mix (ignore the instructions on the box)
2 quarts of stock - shrimp, fish or chicken
2 bay leaves
1/4 cup Italian breadcrumbs
2.5 lbs medium shrimp, peeled
olive oil
Coat the bottom of a heavy soup pot with olive oil.  Turn on medium heat and add the okra.  Cook the okra - stirring often - until the 'slime' starts to disappear.  Now add the trinity.  Stir until onions become transparent.  Now add the gumbo base and quickly stir it in. (This is the major cheat/shortcut that saves you making a roux.)  This will be a very dry, almost crumbly mess at this point.  Now add the stock.  Stir to incorporate the crumbly mess into the liquid. Add bay leaves. Now let this come to a slow boil and 'let it roll' for about 10 minutes.  Stir often and watch the pot at all times to be sure it doesn't boil over.  Adjust the heat as needed.  Stir.  After 10 minutes, add the breadcrumbs.  Work them into the pot with a whisk.  Stir.  Now add the shrimp.  Stir.  Let the whole thing simmer for another 5 minutes until the shrimp are nice and pink.  Serve over rice.  My husband likes to drop a scoop of potato salad into his.  I like to dunk buttery frenchbread in mine.  You do what you like!

I'll tell you.  This is one fine gumbo.  It really tastes so much better than you would think based on the minimal effort required.  So, go ahead, LIE. Tell people it took you all day.  Now, repeat after me:  "Gum-bo, gum-bo, gum-bo..."  If I only had a drive-through.....

Questions?  Comments?  Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com
P.S. 'Hello' to my new friends in Latvia and the Netherlands!

Yes You CAN!

You ever have one of "those days" when you look up, it's already 6pm and your morning coffee cup is still sitting next to the computer?  Yeah.  Well, that was yesterday for me.  But, it was for good reasons.

I'm busily working on another writing project plus researching some performance opportunities and, well, dinner was literally the last thing on my mind.  That's fine until my three adorable bottomless-pitts get home from school.  Of course, the first question they ask (right after: "May I go on the computer?") is "What's for supper?"

That's when I have one of those movie moments like in "Jaws."  Remember when the sheriff was on the beach, someone screams "Shark!" and the camera races toward him while zooming out at the same time?  It's one of those shots that makes your stomach 'flip' just a little.  Yeah, well, that's what happens to me when I realize that I 'forgot' to cook supper.  Ooops!  Shark!!  And, worse yet, The Great White will be coming home from work any minute!

Never fear!  I can always pull something out.  So CAN you.  If you keep a few canned staples in the pantry like I always do.  Here are a few of my staples:

Just open a few cans, add your favorite protein, add some liquid, maybe some cheese, throw in some spices, get a little creative and....voila!  SOUP.  Let's get cookin'...

CAN DO SOUP

1-2 lbs of protein - I used 1 lb each of shrimp & crawfish this time

1 can Rotelle Tomatoes

1 can creamed corn

1 can cream of chicken soup (you can use cream of whatever-you-have-on-hand)

cumin

Badia - or your favorite seasoning

milk or cream or stock

Velveeta cheese

corn tortillas

This "recipe" is just a blueprint.  Play with this.  Have fun.  Use what you've got hanging around.  Here's what I did....  Open all the cans.  In a large pot, pour in Rotelles, then corn, then cream of chicken soup.  'Rinse' the cream of chicken soup can with a can of milk and pour it in.  'Rinse' the Rotelle can with a can of cream and pour it in.  Light fire on medium.  Stir.  Now add the cumin, Badia and/or any seasonings you like.  Watch the salt because all those cans are already salted.  Stir to mix the whole thing.  Now add about 1/4th of a large Velveeta brick cut into smaller pieces so it will melt faster.  Now, I had about 12 small corn tortillas in my fridge.  I took those and sliced them into thin strips and added that to the soup.  Added a nice flavor plus some texture and thickness.  Then I let all that simmer being careful to stir and watch for sticking.  When it was all melted and bubbly, I added 1 lb of raw tiny shrimp and 1 pack of crawfish tails.  I let the whole thing simmer for another 10 minutes until the shrimp were cooked.

I served it with some fresh guacamole I made plus sour cream for garnish.  My middle shark, the one that looks like Daddy Great White, said, "Mom, you're a genius."  And the world was safe for swimmers everywhere.  Until the sequel....."Hey Mom, what's for dinner?" Part II

Questions?  Comments?  Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com

P.S. Hello to my new friends in South Korea!